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retrogrrrl) wrote2025-12-16 03:54 pm
retrogrrrl) wrote2025-12-16 03:54 pm
Entry tags:
80's Dating Tapes remind me I don't suck!
Reader, lemme tell ya what’s shakin’ with me. I’m a weird alien in the shape of a very cute woman, but by god I don’t know ANYTHING ‘bout the dating scene. Shit’s confusin’ to me, pal. As a creature that needs direct input I don’t thrive too well in that space. I always thought, though, that most of the folks around me had a better time with the whole thing! Maybe not in modern times (god knows I’ve seen lotsa people jabber about how they suck at it) but I thought that maybe in the old days there were more coherent interactions, smarter conversations, knew the do’s and don’ts of datin–.
Fuck no.
In the ancient times of the 1980’s the world of romance didn’t strike any different colors than it does now, from what I can catch. The tinders and grindrs of the world in our modern times are just a natural evolution of what once was Youtube, eHarmony and the geriatric Match dot com. When the ‘net was not a common item ‘round the working class houses of America, there was the mythical (and almost pitiful) world of dating tapes.
Enter Videomate, in its glorious 80’s swag, cold-rockin’ the scene for the desperate or those just curious enough to give it a try and put ‘emselves out there bravely. Now, I can’t claim to know a whole lot ‘bout these weird tapes — mind you, I was born in the not-so-ancient time of the late 90s, you’re not gonna get a whole tutorial from me. However, what few clips y’can find surfin’ through the web are fascinating artifacts of ye olde times and they are always so, so intriguing.
Gobsmacked I hadda take my nostalgia-rose-tintled glasses off when I realized the 80’s folks were just as bad at promoting themselves for the datin’ market as the rest of us; betrayin’ this ideal life that many losers comment about on Youtube videos of old music. Y’know the suckers, the ones who are always goin’ about how “people used to talk to each other” or some bullshit like that, “when people weren’t on their damn phones”. People can’t be outside without gettin’ accused of loitering and malls are defunct, Michael! The third place for the youth became the internet, ‘cause there was no other choice, ARTHUR. EVERYONE’S PARANOID, HAROLD. Ehem, back on topic.
Watchin’ these big adults, mostly men in this tape, fumble to try to seem amicable, cool or excitin’ warms my wild heart! Makes me laugh, big time. At last, I feel vindicated and seen. Even those with a seemingly important career, or a well-established one, are lost in the turbulent waves of the dating scene — total grommets tryin’ to ride the barrel but not knowing how to even swim to get there. Yeah, I know this is an assortment of funny or bad clips from awkward folks! This may not be the majority, but if I can find patterns still repeated to this day the possibility of more civilized gentlemen back in the 80s is lookin’ grimmer than the grim reaper. A bummer too that we don’t have in our grubby hands the full tapes to see if there’s any redeemin’ qualities of these walkin’ bummers, if the nerves are just shakin’ em up a bunch making ‘em say a buncha stupid things. Believe me, I’ve tried to find them, but it just seems that there isn’t any out there, so I’m just going to keep goin’ off from this video.
In between all the weird requirements (“don’t be an overgrown monster that’s always thinkin’ about food” and "I'm lookin' for a girl with... a simple smile") there’s almost endearing, human quality of just… tryin’ it and fuckin’ it up monumentally. Some of these folks do say things that would make any self-respectin’ woman recoil and fast forward, but when the downright offensive comments or the odd vibes aren’t ‘round you can just appreciate the absolute mundanity – even if it’s just a glimpse of it in time – of people who are lookin’ for someone to accompany them. In a way, it’s such a thing that touches us all. We are, in part, just like them. While the stupid things they said on tape stood the test of time by mere strike of luck (bad luck for them, good for us), we live far more prone to say these stupid things in public and havin’ it accidentally stick ‘cause someone secretly recorded us. We can laugh all we want ‘bout these folks, I’m doing it! Yet, I’m only doin’ it ‘cause I know good and goddamn well that I am just as bad, if not worse.
I don't even know what he means by that
Okay, maybe not as bad as this guy. The fuck does he mean by no hamsters? Did he mean furries? The worst part is that y’can tell that this pal over here has BEEN here before. Betcha he’s got a few videotapes he made already, all of ‘em failed ‘cause he hooked up with a fatty or a hamster, now he’s eternally resentful that these kinds of tapes are goin’ to conjure more hamsters bitin’ at his ankles, gathering in a pool of fluff ‘round his feet, begging for a piece of ‘im. There’s a story to tell in his eyes, and the same goes for all these dudes. From their hair, to the choice of attire, the choice of words and …
This gentleman over here, I sure hope he’s got his dream girl ‘cause I tell ya he’s the most likable dude of the bunch.
Surprisingly, the second nicest vibes in this joint. The man’s most likely a playboy, he surely can score himself a hot chick at the Malibu club or goin’ to the mall, so it intrigues me too why the hell he’s here on this videotape with gloves and a rose. Peak 80’s experience I tell you that, I might just base off a character after him and give the man no royalties. Sorry mac, a girl’s gotta do what she can to make some dough! Unless y’grew up to vote for Trump in which case I’m gonna milk ya for every penny I can get outta you.
Can I undecide loneliness then? Askin' for me.
Alright, enough of the fellas. I know I’ve ragged on ‘em a lot, so it’s time for the dames to make an appearance and let me tell ya it’s not any less interestin’ to scope out what the fuck these chicks are sayin’.
Those who don't know the meme, click there.
Alright lady y’had me the moment I noticed you were holdin’ a big fat slice of chocolate cake. You’ve got me wrapped ‘round your finger, it’s a wonder why you’re doin’ this tape at all. Well, that question is easily answered once ya keep watchin’ the video and hear her admit that she’s got not a fuckin’ clue on what she really is lookin’ for, so maybe that kinda lack of clarity is what drove her to the studio this day with a big ass slice of cake — in a plate that can barely hold it, might I add.
The very next shot we got someone’s grandma proclaimin’ that some people call her Sexy instead of her real name. She truly is givin’ us one of the seductive looks of all times.
In this tape we got a compilation of compelling characters and less pitiful attempts at appearing appealing (try sayin’ that three times fast). It’s so strikingly different from the men’s tape, where there was a soft underbelly of strange fatphobia, creepy serial killer vibes or just dorks who really couldn’t get to the heart of a lady (and a viking, let’s not forget ‘im), while the women have an assortment of dorks that all seem like sweet chicks you could talk to nicely at the grocery store. We’ve got a lady who is an Oreo cookie freak, the aforementioned cake lady, a freak who has two cats (seriously, what a freak!!), a woman who laughs hysterically at Bette Midler, a lady who doesn’t know how to ride a horse, a lady who has it all figured out by askin’ for someone WHO IS CLEAN, and lastly a lady with a yellow glove, serial killer glasses and stilted demeanor sayin’ she wants to have her own religion one day. The face of sanity.
Now, I know we’re all here with disbelief suspended up in the air by a harness, but we’ve gotta break the magical spell for a second to talk ‘bout this lady. As per a youtube comment this lady is actually a comedian called Sondra Lowell and this section is a very funny bit. Really ties the whole video together in my opinion! This does bring up the veracity of most of these clips I’ve been leisurely riffin’ off of, but let’s conjure a wisp of ‘Happy medium’ for the skeptics and the believers. It is very likely that maybe these videos aren’t all fake so much as there might be some actors slipped in between there to sell the product more, the product bein’ the service. Maybe there weren’t enough women to balance the sausage fest of tapes so they had to cook up a few narratives to make it appealin’ for everyone, sorta like an appetizer ‘fore the actual real live clients came up.
Regardless of whether or not this thing is fake, it’s an absolute time-capsule and a fascinating study on humans and the existential horror that is tryin’ to date – no matter the era or gender!
Tommy Vercetti needs to look no further than her, she's got all the 20 keys of coke he's lookin' for.
Out of all the girls, the most amicable one is Linda who truly has embodied perfection in simplicity — all complete with poetic description of her life, donnin’ a slamming hairdo to boot. A computer genius from the sounds of it with access to a large pharmaceutical cabinet. Just my style of gal! Hit me up with that ibuprofen and some slammin’ tunes and I’m yours for the whole ride, babyyyyy.
Second most personable is this lady with the golden getup, she’s got the style, the demeanor and a lovely smile. I’d hit her up but she’s probably already dating some lucky bastard…. Or dead. It’s almost criminal how there’s literally next to nothing ‘bout this woman, I wanta know if she’s a freak, your honor!
This closes this random ass section I wanted to share with you folks. The moment I find more fascinatin’ relics of the world y’bet your sweet bippy I’m going to race to ya first, share it with you lovely dopes.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve GOT to find Linda’s phone number.
Fuck no.
In the ancient times of the 1980’s the world of romance didn’t strike any different colors than it does now, from what I can catch. The tinders and grindrs of the world in our modern times are just a natural evolution of what once was Youtube, eHarmony and the geriatric Match dot com. When the ‘net was not a common item ‘round the working class houses of America, there was the mythical (and almost pitiful) world of dating tapes.
Enter Videomate, in its glorious 80’s swag, cold-rockin’ the scene for the desperate or those just curious enough to give it a try and put ‘emselves out there bravely. Now, I can’t claim to know a whole lot ‘bout these weird tapes — mind you, I was born in the not-so-ancient time of the late 90s, you’re not gonna get a whole tutorial from me. However, what few clips y’can find surfin’ through the web are fascinating artifacts of ye olde times and they are always so, so intriguing.
Gobsmacked I hadda take my nostalgia-rose-tintled glasses off when I realized the 80’s folks were just as bad at promoting themselves for the datin’ market as the rest of us; betrayin’ this ideal life that many losers comment about on Youtube videos of old music. Y’know the suckers, the ones who are always goin’ about how “people used to talk to each other” or some bullshit like that, “when people weren’t on their damn phones”. People can’t be outside without gettin’ accused of loitering and malls are defunct, Michael! The third place for the youth became the internet, ‘cause there was no other choice, ARTHUR. EVERYONE’S PARANOID, HAROLD. Ehem, back on topic.
Watchin’ these big adults, mostly men in this tape, fumble to try to seem amicable, cool or excitin’ warms my wild heart! Makes me laugh, big time. At last, I feel vindicated and seen. Even those with a seemingly important career, or a well-established one, are lost in the turbulent waves of the dating scene — total grommets tryin’ to ride the barrel but not knowing how to even swim to get there. Yeah, I know this is an assortment of funny or bad clips from awkward folks! This may not be the majority, but if I can find patterns still repeated to this day the possibility of more civilized gentlemen back in the 80s is lookin’ grimmer than the grim reaper. A bummer too that we don’t have in our grubby hands the full tapes to see if there’s any redeemin’ qualities of these walkin’ bummers, if the nerves are just shakin’ em up a bunch making ‘em say a buncha stupid things. Believe me, I’ve tried to find them, but it just seems that there isn’t any out there, so I’m just going to keep goin’ off from this video.
In between all the weird requirements (“don’t be an overgrown monster that’s always thinkin’ about food” and "I'm lookin' for a girl with... a simple smile") there’s almost endearing, human quality of just… tryin’ it and fuckin’ it up monumentally. Some of these folks do say things that would make any self-respectin’ woman recoil and fast forward, but when the downright offensive comments or the odd vibes aren’t ‘round you can just appreciate the absolute mundanity – even if it’s just a glimpse of it in time – of people who are lookin’ for someone to accompany them. In a way, it’s such a thing that touches us all. We are, in part, just like them. While the stupid things they said on tape stood the test of time by mere strike of luck (bad luck for them, good for us), we live far more prone to say these stupid things in public and havin’ it accidentally stick ‘cause someone secretly recorded us. We can laugh all we want ‘bout these folks, I’m doing it! Yet, I’m only doin’ it ‘cause I know good and goddamn well that I am just as bad, if not worse.
I don't even know what he means by that
Okay, maybe not as bad as this guy. The fuck does he mean by no hamsters? Did he mean furries? The worst part is that y’can tell that this pal over here has BEEN here before. Betcha he’s got a few videotapes he made already, all of ‘em failed ‘cause he hooked up with a fatty or a hamster, now he’s eternally resentful that these kinds of tapes are goin’ to conjure more hamsters bitin’ at his ankles, gathering in a pool of fluff ‘round his feet, begging for a piece of ‘im. There’s a story to tell in his eyes, and the same goes for all these dudes. From their hair, to the choice of attire, the choice of words and …
This gentleman over here, I sure hope he’s got his dream girl ‘cause I tell ya he’s the most likable dude of the bunch.
Surprisingly, the second nicest vibes in this joint. The man’s most likely a playboy, he surely can score himself a hot chick at the Malibu club or goin’ to the mall, so it intrigues me too why the hell he’s here on this videotape with gloves and a rose. Peak 80’s experience I tell you that, I might just base off a character after him and give the man no royalties. Sorry mac, a girl’s gotta do what she can to make some dough! Unless y’grew up to vote for Trump in which case I’m gonna milk ya for every penny I can get outta you.
Can I undecide loneliness then? Askin' for me.
Alright, enough of the fellas. I know I’ve ragged on ‘em a lot, so it’s time for the dames to make an appearance and let me tell ya it’s not any less interestin’ to scope out what the fuck these chicks are sayin’.
Those who don't know the meme, click there.
Alright lady y’had me the moment I noticed you were holdin’ a big fat slice of chocolate cake. You’ve got me wrapped ‘round your finger, it’s a wonder why you’re doin’ this tape at all. Well, that question is easily answered once ya keep watchin’ the video and hear her admit that she’s got not a fuckin’ clue on what she really is lookin’ for, so maybe that kinda lack of clarity is what drove her to the studio this day with a big ass slice of cake — in a plate that can barely hold it, might I add.
The very next shot we got someone’s grandma proclaimin’ that some people call her Sexy instead of her real name. She truly is givin’ us one of the seductive looks of all times.
In this tape we got a compilation of compelling characters and less pitiful attempts at appearing appealing (try sayin’ that three times fast). It’s so strikingly different from the men’s tape, where there was a soft underbelly of strange fatphobia, creepy serial killer vibes or just dorks who really couldn’t get to the heart of a lady (and a viking, let’s not forget ‘im), while the women have an assortment of dorks that all seem like sweet chicks you could talk to nicely at the grocery store. We’ve got a lady who is an Oreo cookie freak, the aforementioned cake lady, a freak who has two cats (seriously, what a freak!!), a woman who laughs hysterically at Bette Midler, a lady who doesn’t know how to ride a horse, a lady who has it all figured out by askin’ for someone WHO IS CLEAN, and lastly a lady with a yellow glove, serial killer glasses and stilted demeanor sayin’ she wants to have her own religion one day. The face of sanity.
Now, I know we’re all here with disbelief suspended up in the air by a harness, but we’ve gotta break the magical spell for a second to talk ‘bout this lady. As per a youtube comment this lady is actually a comedian called Sondra Lowell and this section is a very funny bit. Really ties the whole video together in my opinion! This does bring up the veracity of most of these clips I’ve been leisurely riffin’ off of, but let’s conjure a wisp of ‘Happy medium’ for the skeptics and the believers. It is very likely that maybe these videos aren’t all fake so much as there might be some actors slipped in between there to sell the product more, the product bein’ the service. Maybe there weren’t enough women to balance the sausage fest of tapes so they had to cook up a few narratives to make it appealin’ for everyone, sorta like an appetizer ‘fore the actual real live clients came up.
Regardless of whether or not this thing is fake, it’s an absolute time-capsule and a fascinating study on humans and the existential horror that is tryin’ to date – no matter the era or gender!
Tommy Vercetti needs to look no further than her, she's got all the 20 keys of coke he's lookin' for.
Out of all the girls, the most amicable one is Linda who truly has embodied perfection in simplicity — all complete with poetic description of her life, donnin’ a slamming hairdo to boot. A computer genius from the sounds of it with access to a large pharmaceutical cabinet. Just my style of gal! Hit me up with that ibuprofen and some slammin’ tunes and I’m yours for the whole ride, babyyyyy.
Second most personable is this lady with the golden getup, she’s got the style, the demeanor and a lovely smile. I’d hit her up but she’s probably already dating some lucky bastard…. Or dead. It’s almost criminal how there’s literally next to nothing ‘bout this woman, I wanta know if she’s a freak, your honor!
This closes this random ass section I wanted to share with you folks. The moment I find more fascinatin’ relics of the world y’bet your sweet bippy I’m going to race to ya first, share it with you lovely dopes.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve GOT to find Linda’s phone number.
no subject
(Also, one of those guys bears a significant resemblance to my boyfriend!! Not one of the creeps, though, thank God LOLLL. But it makes sense as the BF is very retro.)
no subject
(Awww! Makes sense, the style is comin' back and all, but I bet it was a moment to pause for ya LOL)
no subject